Erasmus
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Erasmus to Jacob Batt. In this letter of February 1500, Erasmus describes a dangerous journey he made from Amiens to Paris. The Latin text is taken from P.S. Allen, "Opus Epistolarum Des. Erasmi Roterodami", Vol. I, Oxford University Press, 1913. Re-issued 1992.

Erasmus sends greetings to Batt.

I owe you all sorts of thanks, my dear Batt, as you will have sent me my late night writings - that is my wealth - both in good time, as you don't normally do, and very dependably, which is usual with you; then indeed, not only did you have them sent by a diligent courier, but by one who even had to be paid for his conversation as well as his delivery job. But still, I am playing around with art by being artful or like the old proverb says, Cretanising against a Cretan.

My bad luck in England has pursued me as far as Paris. Look - I'll tell you another awful story even more terrible than the first! On January the 31st., I reached Amiens, and good lord, what a hard journey that was. I reckon some Juno stirred up Aeolus against me. Since I was already so weakened by the journey that I even feared becoming ill, I began to think of hiring horses, calculating that it was a lot better to spare my body than a few little bits of money. And here, everything was just right for ruin. While I was looking for my usual inn, I passed by chance on the way a place advertising horses for hire. I went in and spoke to the hirer, a man who by his appearance and clothing so reminded me of Mercury, that from the first meeting, he led me to suspect he was a thief. A price was agreed. I set out on my journey towards evening with two hired horses, accompanied by a young man whom the hirer said was his son-in-law, and who was to bring the animals back home again. On the next day, we arrived at a little village called St. Julien, while it was still quite light - a place designed for robbery. I urged that we should carry on with the journey. That robber's pupil pleaded that the horses should not be wearied beyond their powers, that it was more advantageous to spend the night there, and that the next day, we would make good the lost time by leaving before dawn. I did not object greatly, even then not suspecting any crime. Then when we had almost eaten our dinner, the serving maid called aside the young man who had been sitting down at the table with me, saying something about one of the horses being in a bad way. The lad went away, but by his face, you could tell that something else had been told to him. Calling back the girl immediately, I said,
 "Hello there, daughter, which of the two horses is ill, this man's or mine?"
 For an Englishman was accompanying me on the journey.
 "And what may I ask is the matter with it?"
 The girl unable any further to hide what she knew smiled, confessed the lie and said that someone she knew had come who had called out the young man to have a talk with him.

And so, not much after that, the hirer himself, who was resolved to cut the throats of us his victims, came into the dining room. We were astonished and asked what had happened, because it was so unexpected and unlooked for that he should turn up. He said that he brought tear-worthy news, that his daughter, that young man's wife, had received such a bad blow from the hooves of a horse that now she was close to dying; he himself had made an abrupt and hasty journey, to call the youth home. Then the story began to smell to me. I watched the face and gestures of both men more attentively. In the hirer, I immediately noticed a certain inconsistency and a lumpenness in the youth who was sitting directly opposite; at once, that saying of Cicero came to me - unless you are lying, you would not be acting like this. Now I was thinking of doing nothing except freeing myself from that man, who seemed to me to smack only indeed of robbery. Our previous dealings were increasing the suspicion, because when the price had been agreed at Amiens, he had taken pains to ask me what sort of coinage he would receive. Suddenly people turned up - I don't know where they came from - who kept on backing up his story with their conversation. They praised the hirer to me and congratulated me on having such a companion, and in turn, they commended me to the hirer. The hirer asked once and then a second time whether I had a postulaat at all; that is rather a rare coin. I said I did not. I fetched out one ecu and then another, and although they found to be perfectly good, he kept entreating me rather fawningly, to give him the finest one out of the many he supposed me to have. For it is central to this wicked art to find out how much money each traveller is carrying with him. Then I showed him those which I had, and out of them, he kept the best one for himself.

I had come to guess at this wickedness after what the young man had said and done on the way; these things could be construed as having been arranged and prepared according to his father-in-law's plan. Of the two horses, the second was extremely sluggish, so for flight, it would have been no help at all. The one on which I was sitting had a huge wound on its neck, which was still daubed with ointment. And thus when we were not far from the city, the young man asked if he might be allowed to mount my horse and ride behind me, saying that I should not worry about the horse as the animal was used to carrying two people.
 "We left late," he said, "and this way we shall arrive more quickly."
 I allowed this; we began to talk about various things. He spoke about his father-in-law in a way which suggested he did not think the best of him. And this is another one of the secrets peculiar to robbers. Meanwhile my purse slipped down behind me and there were moreover almost eight gold crowns in it. He replaced it. Again it slipped and again he replaced it, warning me always to keep an eye on it. Laughing, I replied,
 "What good is it to watch over it when it is empty?"
 Already it was the dark of night as we passed through a wood and finally came out into a village. Looking round, the young man made out that he did not know where the place was and led us to some building or other. I instructed the young man to take care of himself as normal, each of us going hungry to bed. The Englishman did this for religious reasons and I for my health; for I was seriously struggling with stomach problems. A woman came to us whom she thought to be sleeping deeply and spoke for a while most familiarly with that man she was pretending not to know. At last, with the young man giving a warning, the rest of the conversation was carried on in a whisper, so that I was not able to listen to it.

Before dawn, I thrust them out on the road. For the whole journey, I treated the young man very courteously. When we arrived at a town called Clermont, I prepared to go into it - not to spend the night there but to change money lest that business should be a source of delay in spending the night in a village. The young man dissuaded me, insisting that he had enough silver coin. And so we left the town behind us to the left. Then when we were nearing a village, it came about by chance that the Englishman was in front together with the youth, and I followed,
 "just as is my custom,
 thinking of some trifles or other and absorbed in them."
 Meanwhile unknown to me, the Englishman, had dismounted. The young man had led his horse to the doors of a building where there had never been an inn. When I realised this, I wondered what he was planning. Looking round, he said that he had not been there this side of fourteen years. He asked which inn was agreeable to me.
 "What if we lodge here?" he asked. And he showed me the intended building. I did not refuse, remembering that once I had been received here pleasantly enough, but not realising that the innkeeper had changed. As usual, I was given a room. Wine was brought but it tasted bad. In fact, we had hardly come in when I saw a glass of wine being served to that unknown young man in the kitchen, the colour of which raised my spirits. Therefore, with my hope frustrated, I came down and complained to the innkeeper; the wine was changed. At that time, these things were more surprising than a cause of suspicion to me.

And so, (to return to an orderly point in my story) after I had a definite suspicion of robbery, I begin to set about stealing out from under the knife.
 "What then is your plan?"
 "Perhaps I shall take you to Paris," he said, "however my son-in-law here has to return home."
 "Rather than that," I said, "I will give you a better plan. Since you have had so bitter a mishap that you have nearly lost a daughter and this man his wife, I shall do this for you. You have from me an ecu but there are still fourteen miles remaining; deduct the right amount of money for whatever is left of the journey and you return. We will finish the rest of the journey on foot or else we will change horses."
 The man shook his head, and then went downstairs, but with the young man left behind through the remarkable craft of the robber, so that he could fish out what our feelings were on the matter. I appealed to the youth and said,
 "Look, I'm asking you, tell me the truth, out with it, what is this business about your wife?"
 He confessed the whole thing was invented but that his father had to travel to Paris, to ask for a loan back. He said,
 "Don't be disturbed by what the other man says. Rather mount up tomorrow at first light, and we will both follow you."
 "But it is not by chance," I said, "that he is following us with such a journey so suddenly., and indeed both tonight and the next day are holy festivals." For the next day was the Purification of the Virgin Mother. "And why string together so many lies?" I asked.
 The young man told me to be of good heart and that everything would be done in accordance with my wishes. He said,
 "For if that other man troubles you, I will not desert you, not until my heart bursts."
 and all that with his simpleton's face. In this way, he was pretending that he would furtively support me like this against his father-in-law; then he went downstairs, only so that he could report the discussion to his instructor.

In the meantime, I strove to get the Englishman alone and ask him finally how the situation seemed to him. He replied that he saw nothing apart from preparation for robbery. I asked,
 "But what about a plan?"
 By this stage it was late at night. Meanwhile the innkeeper came to make up the beds; I asked where we were to sleep. She pointed out a bed.
 "And where will the other two go?"
 "In this other bed," she replied; it stood in a shared bedroom. Then I said,
 "I have some trifling business to transact with my companion here; let us sleep alone in this bedroom and you will get your money for each bed."
 Then the witch of a woman - not ignorant of what might happen - began to persuade us at first that it was better that we should sleep together; she said that the other two were men of integrity and that there was no reason why we should wish to sleep without them in the bedroom. If we wanted to communicate in private, we would be able to do that by speaking in our own language; if however, we were afraid for our money, we could entrust it to her and her staff for safe-keeping - or as they say, hand over the sheep to the wolf. And as was in keeping with her, the wicked woman made out that the rest of the rooms which were manifestly empty were occupied by guests, when apart from ourselves, there was no other guest in the place. Why go on any more? Despite having been beaten by our arguments, she obstinately said that she would not do what we wanted. I asked that the doors be opened to let us go out somewhere else. She declared that she would not even do that and went downstairs angry and muttering under her breath, and recounted the whole thing to the murderer, with me listening secretly from the stairs.

There was no moral support from the Englishman, nor any plan nor helpful conversion. For he did not understand straightforward French. At first it seemed to me to be wisest to seal the entrance to the bedroom with a piece of iron as an obstacle, and to set up against that a huge oaken bench. In fact, on reflection, that plan seemed unsatisfactory - for us to be alone with several opponents in so empty a building; and now that night was well advanced, our shouting could not have been heard anywhere, except from the part of the building overlooking the public road: but there, there was a monastery church standing in the way. Meanwhile, as I was looking around for some better plan, with nothing satisfactory coming to mind, a serving-maid knocked at the door. I secretly moved the bench and asked what she wanted. She replied that she wanted to bring something or other in a lively voice. I jested charmingly with the girl in order to disguise my fear. Meanwhile there we sat like two lambs waiting for slaughter. We agreed however that we should talk animatedly and soberly without any drink until clothed and booted, we should sleep and keep watch by turns. A little after, that fine man came in as if ignorant of everything; I studied the man carefully. The more attentively I watched him, the surer I felt that he was a robber; when at last he made up his bed together with his apprentice, we followed suit, and were not aware of anything during the night, except that the Englishman found his sword which he had placed on his pillow, moved some way off right across to the far corner of the room. For between the two of us there was nothing more than a sword and a breastplate; that was the extent of our armour.

I got up well before dawn and opened the bedroom doors and windows. Then I shouted and called out that it was getting light and woke up the servants. As I did not stop doing this, there came the voice of the robber, which you could tell was not at all sleepy, saying,
 "What are you up to? It is hardly four o'clock yet."
 I shouted back that the sky was very thickly covered with clouds and that soon the brightness of day would show itself. And this was chiefly done at the windows. What need to say more? A light was brought. Meanwhile I ran down to watch what was going on in the lower part of the building; walking up and down and looking round, I bumped into the robber's horses which were saddled up in the way in which they had had to stand the entire night, since apart from the serving-maid, there had been no one to unsaddle them. At last even our executioners got up. Then an inconvenient thing, as it seemed, was helpful to us. For nothing had animated that robber except considering how much money we had; but this single circumstance enabled him to believe that our money was slight. There was rather too little silver coin for me to be able to pay the innkeeper for dinner and all the horses. Therefore, I ordered that either a gold piece should be changed or that the hirer should pay on my behalf five duodenarii, which he would get back from me at St. Denis. The innkeeper swore that there were no scales in the house, and that there was no one who would change the gold coinage. That robber said that he would indeed do it properly, if I handed over some gold to him as a pledge. The innkeeper, a wicked woman, indeed both shameless and foolish, vigorously urged me to do this; on this account, there was a long and heated quarrel between us. I demanded that the doors be opened so that I myself could go to the prior of the nearby monastery to change the gold; the innkeeper said no.

The quarrel carried on right up till daybreak. In the end were ordered to bring out the gold which we wanted to change; I fetched it out. Then it was claimed that one coin was not heavy enough, another was of adulterated metal, and yet another was too soft - it was undoubtedly the plan that if there were any more gold hidden away, we would be forced to bring it out.When I swore a holy oath that I had no more gold coins except those, she asked,
 "But why don't you order your companion to bring out his? For I see that he is well provided with money."
 And then she began to demand that more ingratiatingly. I with a sincere tone and expression, as those speaking the truth from the heart usually do, swore that my companion had nothing except a payment bond. Finally some scales were brought and the other innkeeper came out; then the weighing process lasted an hour and a half, with there not being one gold coin to which there was not some sort of scruple attached. Some were not heavy enough, in others the metal was suspect. Finally I noticed that both the scales and the weights were fraudulent. And then by a lucky chance, I seized up the heaviest weight, in my hand, quite unknown to the innkeeper. The rest had to be measured with the other weight and suddenly each piece of gold weighed down the scales. For the coinage was very old, and heavier than the legal weight; how the money is debased!

Whatever plan there was to cut our throats, nothing else happened, except that they had to squeeze out some profit through trickery. Then since the robber's expectations had nearly been frustrated, either because he understood our coin stash to be less than magnificent or because he saw that he had now come to seem suspicious to us and that I was even being rather threatening and much of the day remained, he called aside the innkeeper who was too much of a servant to him. Where? you might ask. Into the bedroom, if you please, where that robber had withdrawn himself alone. See how good faith and human feeling is almost greater between robbers than between other people. They changed the gold between them, keeping as much as was deducted for dinner and the horses. I received 23 denarii happy for my part for that: then counterfeiting and concealing my thoughts, as far as my sincerity will allow, I said,
 "Why aren't we mounting our horses now?" For the hirer was just standing there.
 "What do you have mind?" I asked. "Why are we not going away from here? Or are you not even ready to go now?"
 "I am not," he said, "unless you hand over the entire sum."
 "And how much are you demanding in the end?" I asked; for aside from the ecu, three duodenarii were to come to him. He demanded with the greatest impudence, as much money as he pleased, and as much as was fitting for the most shameless of robbers to demand. I said,
 "Take me to Paris and there you receive your due, as we initially planned."
 But he replied,
 "What would you give me at Paris, when even here, you are arguing with me?"
 He knew that he was not allowed to be dragged from his robbery; for this was indeed a fabrication of mine, there being certainly nothing further from my mind than that I should entrust myself to a journey with those hangmen. We argued for a little while, and when there was a stalemate, I pretended to go to church; in fact, directly across the river, I made for Paris, and I ceased to fear the robber's dagger when St. Denis received me within its walls.

On the 2nd. of February, I reached Paris, exasperated by the journey and with my money exhausted; although I had no business to conduct there except to claim back my tunic, I found this less than easy. Take the sanctimony of the French. On going away, Falco had even ordered a written document in order that my garment should be returned to me as soon as possible. I came, I claimed it back. Those religious men (as they wish to seem) said that garment had been left as a pledge; if I gave them a franc, it would be returned to me. In fact, having looked at the matter carefully, I found that they restored it to me together with the document; thereby they showed their unworthiness. I have three ecus remaining of poor weight. I have joined up at an inn with my old friend, Augustin: we live scantily indeed by our writings, but do not however, envy you in your citadel....

Translated by Ealasaid Gilfillan. 15/8/04

Erasmus
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